Everyone has a story. And when you meet someone new, the person’s story is unwritten. They are a mystery. But that doesn’t mean you should write his story to fill in the blanks. If you design Mr. Fantastic, but he’s a Mr. Fail, remember, his depiction is at your peril. No one can live up to the story you create for them. That is unless they believe your characterization is accurate for them too.
Here’s my cautionary tale.
So, now that you’ve heard my story do you think it’s an isolated scenario? One that would only apply in intimate situations? Think again. Consider a time when you decided to apply for a new job or ask for a pay raise. How about meeting someone new outside your alleged social class?
How do you approach the goal?
Would you decide you wouldn’t qualify based on the job requirements and responsibilities? Or do you determine the hiring manager wouldn’t want you for the job?
Do you decide not to ask because you believe you don’t deserve a salary increase? Or do you think your supervisor won’t grant it?
How about meeting that high-profile CEO? Do you decide against requesting a meeting because you need time to prepare? Or do you think she would never meet with you, a mid-manager at a satellite office?
In each case, the latter decision is based on you writing a story for another person. Preparing an answer based on a story you’ve made up puts you 100% in control of everything that happens in your life.
There is nothing left to chance because you’ve already decided the outcome before it started. Is that the life you want to live? Or are you ready to move outside of your head?
Once I realized I’d been treating the people in my life as characters in an unpublished novel, I stopped. Well, at least I’m conscious of my actions.
I also stopped writing my crush’s story, thinking he was interested in hearing about my details. Then, I finally “saw” who he was as a man.
If you’re interested in seeing how your life would unfold if you stopped writing lines for others – work to control your thoughts. And allow others to write their part of the story.
Let them show you who they are instead of making up a story on how you wish them to be. When a person reveals, you might be surprised, maybe even disappointed. But at least you won’t deceive yourself and, they won’t fool you.
Do you know what I was thinking? No one can live up to the story that you build (for them) in your mind. There’s no way! Well, that’s not exactly true. There is a way – they can remain silent. I remember I was — I had a crush on this guy and he, he had a crush on this woman, But the funny thing about it was, she never said anything. He never knew who she was because she never gave him a hint as to who she was. So, all the things he believed about her were true. Me, on the other hand, I told him everything thing about me. Every single thing I could think of I shared – no thought was unexpressed. Needless to say, there was no mystery. I don’t believe in mystery. I don’t believe in letting people think what they want about me without me validating it. Hence, that could be the troubles That I have in my life when it comes to dating. But people want to believe what they want to believe, and you can’t help that. So, when they get into a relationship and find out the person isn’t what they thought they were – who’s to blame? That person or the person who wanted to believe what they wanted to believe?